


Bonus Round 1

by originalpyromaniac



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bad science projects, Bullying, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Incest, M/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-22
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-01-26 03:31:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1673105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/originalpyromaniac/pseuds/originalpyromaniac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My fills throughout Bonus Round 1 of HSWC 2014</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. John Egbert<3<Jake English

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PROMPT: Jake♠John
> 
> Remember how Jake thought John would share his ridiculous taste in movies but John had actually come to the conclusion that Con-Air was shit?

“John! Finally, it’s been too long!” You beam as you open the door for your best friend-slash-crush.  
  
“Hey Jake, I’ve been looking forward to this too.” He gives you a smile back and even though it looks a bit forced, you’re too blinded by excitement to see that.  
  
“You can just drop your stuff anywhere.” You let him in and he drops his bag by the door, taking off his shoes and coat and throwing them down haphazardly. “I have an exciting lot for us tonight. I have Avatar, Jack and Jill, and Soul Plane, but I thought we’d start out the night with Con Air, as it is one of our favorites.” He pauses from his walk to the couch, bringing his hand to the back of his neck before continuing, be it slower than it was before.  
  
“Actually, Jake, I think I’d rather watch Soul Plane first.” He says nervously. He turns around to face you, standing next to the couch.  
  
“What? Why? You love Con Air.” You remember the days when all your friends, especially your troll friends, would tease you guys for liking that movie. You guys would defend it to the death. It’s tradition that you always start your movie nights with Con Air.  
  
“It’s just…” He pauses, as if looking for a way to say this. “Con Air sucks.”  
  
What.  
  
What?  
  
“What?” You say.  
  
“It’s just that its a completely shitty movie with bad acting, worse effects and even worse characters.”  
  
“Pardon me, but John Cusack is one of the best cinematic men of all time!” You can feel the crush you have on your best friend fading. Granted, you still really want to kiss him and do many less appropriate things, but you don’t have the desire to make him happy anymore.  
  
“No, actually, John Cusack is just as bad at acting as Dave is at rapping.” You start to walk angrily towards him.  
  
“Listen here Mr. Egbert. Con Air is an incredible film, highlighted by such quotes as ‘Put the bunny back in the box’ and such moments as the many explosions. Just because you seem to have lost your senses in deciding that it is, as you put it, ‘shitty,’ does not mean that others have to adhere to your standards, nor does it mean they’re right.” You start getting louder near the end but he doesn’t flinch. You’re pretty sure trolls have a word for how you’re feeling right now.  
  
“Notice how all the things you are saying are ‘memorable’ not ‘good.’ There’s a difference Jake. I mean, the time that you got killed in the game was memorable.” He glares before turning into a smirk. “However, now that I think about that, it might have been just a bit good.” What is that word? Kissface?   
  
In a moment of fogginess, you push your face forwards, nearly smashing your mouth into his, hard enough to draw his blood, before pushing him against the wall. Kismism?  
  
He kisses you back and for a moment its sweet, until his hand thrusts into your hair and pulls your head backwards. He bites into your neck, hard enough that you know it’ll leave a mark, but you cant bring yourself to care because once he lets go you’re beginning the trek into the bedroom.  
  
—  
  
When you wake up the next morning, you’re laying next to a boy with bright blue eyes. You’re naked and covered in scratches and bite marks. You’re fairly sure one of them is still bleeding. However, your first thought isn’t of the pain.  
  
 _Thats right._  
  
 _Kismesissitude_


	2. Jake<3John

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PROMPT: Remember that time John took Jake ice skating and they caused that accident that was funnier in retrospect than it was at the time?

You and Dave are playing a game. You're seeing who can get their boyfriend more embarassed throughout the small talk that inevitably happens during dinner and, currently, Dave is winning. You're pretty sure if he says one more thing, Karkat is going to stab him with a spoon. As much as you'd like to see that, you give him a look saying that it's your turn right now and he raises a brow in challenge.  
  
"Hey Jake, remember that time I took you ice skating and you caused that...incident?" You laugh at the memory while said boyfriend turns bright red.  
  
"Shut up." He quickly says. "That wasn't my fault and you  _know it_. Now, Vantas--" He tries to change the subject but, thankfully, Dave is having none of that.  
  
"Hold up. Egbert, what is this about English fucking around during ice skating? I wanna hear this." Jake groans before you have the chance to talk.  
  
"No, you really do--" You cut him off.  
  
"Gladly."  
  
\--  
  
The ice skating debacle is something that is extremely funny now (at least to you) but was very unfunny at the time. FIrst, let it be said that Jake is not particularly good at ice skating. He's good at many ndifferent athletic endeavors. Ice skating isn't one of them.  
  
However, when you asked if he wanted to go ice skating, he told you he was a pro. You were glad he was because you sucked too.  
  
Anyways. You got to the rink, rented some skates, put your shoes in a locker and began. He was a bit shaky as soon as you got onto the ice, but he assured you that he was just getting used to it again. However, after a half hour, you could tell that he wasn't nearly as much of a pro he made himself out to be. But, he had gotten used to the skates about 15 minutes after that, and challenged you to a race. You knew that he probably wouldn't be able to handle it but...after all those rounds of fisticuffs where he kicked your ass...  
  
How could you say no?  
  
You couldn't.  
  
If anyone asked, you always told them that he had begged you, but in all honesty he was barely done with the question when you were starting the countdown.  
  
The race wasn't difficult, just the first person to get around the rink twice won. There were quite a few people skating as well, including children but you felt sure you could avoid them and if he couldn't...well he probably should.  
  
At the imaginary gunshot, you raced off. You weren't super fast, but neither was he and so you were in the lead. You were paying too much attention to your feet to hear the 'Pardon me!'s and 'Quite sorry!'s in the background. You weren't so focused that you missed the loud thump and yells from worried parents in the background. You stopped, turned around, and your jaw dropped.  
  
Jake had not only fallen on his ass, oh no, he had fallen on his ass while also pushing down multiple children.  
  
By the time you had turned around, he was laying on the ice with two children sprawled across his chest crying. Parents were scandalized, children were traumatized, and Jake was frozen with embarassment. By the time you were able to get the kids off, parents were already complaining to the staff about "rowdy men attacking their children."  
  
You guys weren't allowed back.  
  
\--  
  
"Oh my fucking god that is gold. English, five stars for that performance." Dave said. Jake just hid his head in his hands and you winked at Dave. Karkat looked in between cracking up and yelling from exasperation.  
  
Needless to say, you won that competition.  
  
Guess who gets the apartment alone with their boyfriend this weekend, and guess who has to stay with his boyfriend and his creepy ass moirail.


	3. Cronus<3Kankri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PROMPT: Cronus♥Kankri
> 
> Remember when Cronus wanted to date Kankri, but the Vantas made him follow a massive set of rules to the letter on a test date for him to even be considered for an actual date?

“Aw, come on chief!” You stare at the piece of paper your crush-but-soon-to-be-boyfriend has just handed you. You finally convinced him to go on a ‘date' with you. You say ‘date’ because, according to him, this is just a test date, making sure you will respect him on the real date.  
  
However, attesting to the ‘test’ part of the date, he has handed you a typed-on sheet of paper containing all the rules of your date. There’s 20.  
  
“What Cronus? You said you’d agree to whatever rules I wanted to make!” He acts stern but at least he has the decency to act embarrassed.  
  
“Yeah, of course, but there’s twenty of them!” You groan. “‘I will not make any physical contact with Kankri throughout the entire meal without his permission,’ ‘I will not pay for Kankri’s share of the meal as that would be an unfair advantage he has over others who are forced to pay for their meals on their own.’ What is this, prison?” He blushes harder but he’s not giving up.  
  
“You are the one that wanted this, so if you’re not okay with obeying the listed rules, I have no quarrel with leaving.” He huffs before crossing his arms. You let out a big sigh.  
  
“I know Kanny, I do want this. I just don’t understand why there have to be so many rules for dinner.” You say, exasperated.  
  
“Cronus! You know I don’t want privilege over others! In addition to that, I feel uncomfortable with touching and other things of the sort.” He looks at you with an offended look. “However I shouldn’t have to explain any of this to you. You should respect my boundaries without questioning them.” You groan.  
  
“Fine.” You drag out the vowel before continuing. “But I’m paying for you.” He starts to open his mouth before you continue speaking. “It’s not privilege, if anyone else had a date with me I’d be paying for them as well. Anyone else who gets a date with someone gets the same privilege and everyone has equal chance of getting one.” He pinches the bridge of his nose.  
  
“That’s not true. Not everyone has an equal opportunity to get a date, some people either can’t go on them or are considered, by societies standards, ugly, therefor making it difficult.” He sighs. “That said, I can see that this point is something you care strongly about and as I do not wish to trigger you in any way, I will allow this one rule to be broken. If this isn’t the first date however, we will have to revisit this episode.” You grin, not because of him allowing you to pay, but because he’s not against the possibility of more dates.


	4. John<3<Karkat

PROMPT:  John <3/<3< Karkat  
  
Remember that time Karkat sent John [a human song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ) he found that properly conveyed his feelings for him?

  

 **carcinoGeneticist**  began pestering  **ectoBiologist**  
  
 **CG: EGBERT**  
 **CG: I WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO SOMETHING**  
 **CG: WHILE SEARCHING THROUGH THE VILE DEPTHS OF HUMAN ‘POP-CULTURE’**  
 **CG: I HAVE STUMBLED UPON A SONG THAT PROPERLY CONVEYS MY FEELINGS FOR YOU**  
 **CG:<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ>**  
 **CG: LISTEN TO IT**  
 **CG: FUCKING ENJOY IT**  
  
 **ectoBiologist**  began pestering  **carcinoGeneticist**  
  
 **EB: wow karkat**  
 **EB: you really got me**  
 **CG: WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT NOW**  
 **EB: for a minute there i thought**  
 **EB: huh**  
 **EB: maybe he actually likes me**  
 **EB: but nope**  
 **EB: rickroll’d**  
 **CG: WHAT THE CROTCHBLISTERING SHIT IS RICKROLL’D**  
 **EB: well you know what karkat**  
 **EB: fuck you**  
 **EB: finally you can have what you want**  
 **EB: i hate you too**  
 **EB: are you happy now?**  
 **CG: OKAY NOW ITS MY TURN TO SAY**  
 **CG: AS YOU SO ELOQUENTLY STATED**  
 **CG: FUCK YOU**  
 **CG: I SPEND MY VALUABLE TIME LISTENING TO HUMAN MUSIC**  
 **CG: NO MATTER HOW INCREDIBLY AWFUL ANY OF IT IS**  
 **CG: JUST TO FIND A SONG TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS TOWARDS AN INSIPID DISGUSTING DOUCHEWAGON LIKE YOU**  
 **CG: AND SAID HUMAN GOES AND FUCKS ME OVER BECAUSE OF SOME NOOKHUMPINGLY IDIOTIC THING THAT I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS**  
 **CG: SO**  
 **CG: TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION**  
 **CG: THAT MAY NOT HAVE VERY WELL BEEN THE ANSWER I WAS LOOKING FOR AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS CHAT**  
 **CG: BUT APPARENTLY OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS MORE VACILLATION THAN SOLLUXS BIPOLARITY**  
 **EB: youre such an asshole dont even try to lie to me**  
 **EB: of course you know what rickroll’d is**  
 **EB: if youd have spent, like, any time searching through human culture**  
 **EB: especially music**  
 **EB: youd know what rickroll’d is**  
 **CG: WELL HERES A PIECE OF SHAMEGLOBEFONDELING NEWS FOR YOU**  
 **CG: I DONT**  
 **CG: BUT NOW IT DOESNT FUCKING MATTER DOES IT?**  
 **EB: what**  
 **CG: YES**  
 **EB: that didnt help clarify anything at all**  
 **CG: IM HAPPY THAT YOU HATE ME TOO**  
 **CG: NOT THAT YOUD CARE, AS THAT IS THE ENTIRE ESSENCE OF A PROPER CALIGINOUS RELATIONSHIP**  
 **EB: yep**  
 **EB: i can feel myself not caring**  
 **CG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAVE SOME SHITSQUATTING IDEA OF KISMESSITUDE**  
 **EB: well i may not know the ‘proper’ definition**  
 **EB: but i know i want to kiss you and punch you in the face**  
 **EB: maybe more**  
 **CG: MEET ME IN THE MAIN HALL**  
 **CG: BE PREPARED FOR A STRIFE**  
  
 **carcinoGenetecist**  ceased pestering  **ectoBiologist**


	5. Jake<3<John (hahaha again)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John♠Jake
> 
> Remember when John got angry at the boy who looked so much like him and things turned out different than he expected?

**Major content tags: Concupiscent incest, bullying/harassment**  
Word count: 1413  
  
"Yo! Jake English!" One of the biggest bullies in the school, one whom you'd never spoken to (thank God) and one whom ignored you walked up to you. 'Shit!' you thought to yourself. There was a reason you had specifically never attracted his attention. "I want a word with you!" He yelled, causing you to realize that it turns out he was much, much closer to you now.  
  
"Who's Jake English?" You ask. Your blue eyes look up at him questioningly. You'd never heard of Jake English. Who was he and why is the bully calling you by his name? Apparently, this question however only served to piss him off more.  
  
"What do you think I am? A fucking idiot?" He growled as he grabbed your collar and pushed you against the locker. You almost answer him that yes, you do think he's a fucking idiot, but then you decide to actually use you brain and shut up. "Well I'm not, English!" He jerks your collar before slamming your head back against the wall. "Why the  _fuck_  did you tell the teacher I was skipping?" He growled.  
  
"I don't even know you!" You yelled, not that anyone would help you. They were all terrified of him.  
  
"Fine. You're going to play this your way, I'll play it my way." He knees you in the gut and, without missing a beat, punches you in the face almost immediately afterwards. He hits you not as hard a few more times and just when you think he’s about to stop, a fist flies towards your face.  
  
You lose consciousness a minute later  
  
— (Words for below: 1,135)  
  
You wake up in the nurses office, or at least what you assume is the nurses office. You’re laying on one of the uncomfortable plastic cots with paper covering the head and you notice you’re shirtless. You go to sit up but your head immediately protests, as does your stomach.  
  
You immediately remember what happened and how you ended up in the nurses office. That douchebag who, for some reason, thought you were someone named ‘Jake English’ started a fight with you. Well, it was less of starting a fight and more of kicking your ass.  
  
“H-hello?” Your voice is groggy after sleeping for so long so you clear your throat. “Anyone there?” The nurse walks in with an icepack and some pills.  
  
“Hi John. You were knocked unconscious when Eridan hit you.” Oh right, that’s the bully’s name. “A teacher brought you in and we had to take your shirt off because it was covered in blood.” She hands you the icepack and the pills before going to get a cup of water. “Sorry that I can’t give you anything stronger, we’re only allowed to give you Tylenol.” You swallow the pills.  
  
“Can I call my dad?” God, all you want is to get home.   
  
“We already called him. He said that giving you Tylenol was alright but he wanted you to call him when you wake up before doing anything else.” She hands you the phone. “Type 6 before dialing.” You punch in his work phone number and put the phone to your ear.  
  
“Hello?”  
  
“Son, you’re awake. What happened?”  
  
“I don’t know…some guy just started calling me Jake English before punching me.”  
  
“Who’s that?”  
  
“That’s the thing, I don’t know.” You run a hand through your hair. “Dad, can you come get me?” Just then a student walks into the nurses office.  
  
“Hi, how are you doing?” She greets him.  
  
“Oh, I’m quite fine actually. I heard what was going on in the hallway and I wanted to come in to apologize.” Wait… “My name’s Jake English.”  
  
“Son?” You finally tune back into your father.   
  
“Yeah, sorry Dad what was that?”  
  
“I said that I have an important meeting in about a half hour so if you could wait…of course if it’s important I can pick you up now.” You put your hand over the receiver.  
  
“Is it okay if my dad picks me up in, like, 45 minutes?” You ask the nurse.  
  
“Actually, I have early release and was just about to drive home. If you’d like, I can oblige!” Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Do you really want to ride home with this kid? I mean, who knows what he could be into if he got that guy so pissed off. Then again, you could give him a piece of your mind.  
  
Fine.  
  
“Actually, dad, I have a…friend…that has early release and offered to drive me home. Would that be ok?”  
  
“Yes, son, that’s fine. Will you be okay until I get home from my meeting? If I don’t need to get you afterwards, I’m probably going to stay a few hours.”  
  
“Yeah that’s fine. Bye dad.” You hang up the phone. “He says its fine if Jake brings me home.” The nurse smiles.  
  
“Alright! Do you think you’ll be okay to walk out of here or I can bring you out in a wheelchair?”  
  
“Nah, I’ll be fine.” Every part of your body aches at the idea but you’d much rather pass out again than be wheelchaired out of the school while still conscious. “I have another shirt in my backpack, I was supposed to have gym today, so I’m gonna go change then meet you outside Jake.”  
  
“Perfect!” He smiles. Ugh.  
  
You go to the bathroom and quickly throw on your shirt. Wow walking is already a bad idea. Meeting Jake outside, he guides you to his car and when you get inside you tell him where you live before turning to look out the window.  
  
“So…” He says after about a minute of driving. “I’m sorry about that mate. That boy was right pissed because the teacher found out he was skipping and he had completely pinned the blame on me. He shoved me around a bit but I had no idea he was still angry about that.”  
  
“Whatever, it’s fine.” You brush him off, head in too much pain to do anything about it. You arrive at your house a few minutes later.  
  
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay walking inside? You seemed a bit shaky back at the school.”  
  
“I’ll be fine. Thanks for the ride.” You get out of the car and start walking up the driveway towards your house. You feel a bit shaky but about halfway through you nearly fall over, only barely grabbing onto a bush to keep yourself from crashing to the ground. The blood rushing through your ears keeps you in the dark to the sound of feet hitting the ground while jogging towards you. A pair of tan arms grab you, helping you back up before one of them wrapping around your waist and the other grabbing your backpack.  
  
“Fine my ass.” He grumbles. “You could have just said you need help, I would have gladly assisted you.” You get to your porch.  
  
“No, actually, I don’t think I could. You saw the fight earlier, you could have easily come in and told him that, I don’t know,  _I wasn’t you_. But no, you decided to just stay behind and watch me get my ass kicked. Thanks for the  _assistance_  English.” You sneered the last part and he looked shocked while you took out your keys and unlocked the door. You walked inside, him following you with your backpack.  
  
“Now, hold up there! First off, you saw him! He was infuriated! If I had gone up there and told him he was wrong I don’t think he’d have believed me, probably just gotten more livid! And second, that’s not fair! I didn’t do anything!” He drops his backpack by the door and now you can walk a bit easier so you turn towards him and point a finger, poking his chest.  
  
“No, actually, I think you’re just an asshole who will throw someone else under the bus just to save their own skin.” You growl. You have been trying not to show it, but you are  _pissed_.  
  
“I’m not the one who, after one small sentence, just gave up.” He leaned in towards your face before whispering. “Maybe if you were a bit braver you wouldn’t have gotten your arse kicked.” Oh my god, you hate him. You hate him so fucking much. You want to set him on fire and throw him somewhere that nobody will ever find the body.  
  
Somehow, that translates to kissing him.


	6. John<>Vriska

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PROMPT: JohnVriska
> 
> Remember when the baddest girl in school got partnered up for a school project with the biggest geek, and yet within no time at all they were carrying on like the best of friends?

“Vriska Serket, you’re partnered with…”  The teacher reaches her hand into the cup, pulling out a slip of paper.  “John Egbert.”

 

‘Shit.’ You thought to yourself.  If only you could have gotten partnered up with, I don’t know, someone thats  _not_ terrifying?  Dave is always telling you to stop being a geek and you always brush him off, telling him that as long as you didn’t get any unnecessary attention, you’d be fine.  Well, here’s your unnecessary attention.  

 

The teacher finishes up partnering before assigning each pair a table.  “These will be your assigned seats for the rest of the year.  Now, I know it’s the first class of the year, but you guys have a project that will be due at the end of the year.  I expect you to exchange numbers and arrange meetings outside of school throughout the year in order to work on this project; it’s going to be completely done at home.  We will take notes and such in class so you will not have class time to work on it.”  Sshe proceeds to give you the most difficult project you’ve ever seen in your life.

 

Great.

 

—

 

Over the next few months, you repeatedly pester Vriska about meeting up to work on this project.  At this rate, you’re never going to get it done because you’re halfway through the year and you haven’t gotten anything anything done.  Nothing.  At all.  Every time you express your worry to her she just tells you ‘Joooooooohn stop being such a nerd, I got this.  We’ll be fiiiiiiiine :::;).”  You don’t know why she does her smilies with that.

 

—

 

One month left of school and still refusal from Vriska to work on it.  You’ve begun to just do stuff on your own but part of the project is comparing two of the same experiment done by different people.

 

—

 

“Vriska!”  You grab her shirt and attempt to pull her away from her from her friends.  She lets out a groan and, when she finds you’re obviously not going to be letting go soon, tells her friends to hold on.

 

“What?”  She nearly growls at you.

 

“We have a week until our project is due!”  You nearly yell.  “A WEEK!”

 

“Chillax, we’ll just tell her we forgot about it and get an extension.”  She pats your head and starts to walk away before you grab her hand and pull her back.

 

“We have had this project for the  _entire year_.  She will not give us an extension!”  You stop yelling and let out a groan, rubbing your forehead.  “Listen, I am  _not_  getting a D in that class because you want to skip this project.  If I have to I will kidnap you but my dads going to be gone this weekend and he’s the only family I have so you are going to show up at my house and we are going to finish this fucking project.  I’ll text you my address, be at my house at 8 on Friday.”  You quickly walk away before she can make any jokes about you inviting her over and you grumble under your breath about douchebags who refuse to do shit ruining things for you.

 

—

 

That weekend is filled with yelling, energy drinks, Nicolas Cage movie breaks, bonding over dead mothers, and lots and lots of shitty science.

 

You never expected to remember this weekend as the time you made your best-friend-moirail-troll-thingy.


End file.
